Osama to Obama: Over My Dead Body

Today I skipped  into the office with a wizard-of-oz song in my head.  "Ding-dong the bastard's dead" kind of has a ring to it, you know?  What a beautiful day; now, let the politics commence!

Wrestling over Osama's body and the glory that goes with his dead carcass are no shortage of politicians and pundits. To this end, I would like to bequeath my own appreciation:

1. GEAUX NAVY!!!!!!!!!! SEALs ROCK!
2. To the SEALs who delivered the cold lead salad to Osama - I wish you your very own life sized bronze statue at ground zero, congressional medals of honor, your face on a box of Wheaties, the cover of Time Magazine and a few million in cash on top of lifelong body guards for your friends and family.  Congratulations, you have taken a key step in avenging the deaths of nearly 3,000 innocent people who should not be forgotten.
3. To the brave military men and women who have been kicking ass for America and ensuring that I can participate in a free society as an equal and sovereign citizen, THANK YOU.  I bet you never considered that your keeping us free allowed someone in Abbottabad to Tweet Osama's demise in real time. (Note to self: don't choose hideouts in places that end in "bad.")
4. To all those who have lost their lives or limbs, family and friends, lovers and children - Thank you! This nation will never be able to replace what you've lost.  Your loss is in lieu of ours, and most of us will never appreciate the sacrifice you've made on our behalf.
5. To all my proud liberal friends - I'm proud our country stuck it out and proved we are willing to see a job through to the end.  He may be buried in the ocean, but Osama went to the fiery hell he deserves thanks to our military.  Please thank the troops when you see them.
6. To all my proud-but-perturbed Conservative friends - lighten up, we got him! It's reasonable to want credit to be given where credit is due, but don't assume people have already forgotten how this went down (for better or worse).  Also, stop and realize that America remained victorious, despite having a Democrat in office - just because Obama doesn't share many of your views doesn't mean he won't defend our country. Please thank the troops when you see them.
7. To President Obama - thank you for continuing the war in Iraq, Afghanistan and Pakistan, and for not closing Guantanamo Bay as promised. Without strictly adhering to the "Bush Doctrine" you so vehemently campaigned against, we might not have seen this day. 
8. To the terrorist organizations threatening to unleash hell to avenge Osama's death: bring it on! It's going to be really hard to talk trash when you're sleeping with the fishes next to your buddy.  

Congratulations America, we did it.  Now Obama, if you want a shot in 2012, post the darn photos to the internet, UNTOUCHED AND PRONTO in time for an incredibly joyous Memorial Day weekend.  This can't be a catch-and-release program....